A woman who works with her hands is a laborer;

A woman who works with her hands and her head is a craftsperson;

A woman who works with her hands, her head and her heart is an....


Friday, May 24, 2013

Crossing the Wide Ocean

If you know me at all,
it is no secret that I love the ocean.
I love going to the beach.
I love the sand.
I love to look for treasures that have been washed on shore.
I love the sound of the waves and the sea birds.
I love to watch my dog as he explores the new scents and dodges the water.
I love everything about the beach.
Except for one thing...
Exactly one year ago I was at "my" beach.
And the beginning of the end happened.
Without belaboring the details,
the bottom line is -
it became evident that my marriage was over.
The official words were spoken a week later by my ex husband.
But while I was at the beach, exactly one year ago -
the realization hit.
I have not returned to this section of coastline since.
I have not spent the night.
I have not reveled in the sound and smells of the ocean.
My sanctuary had been robbed from me.
I have been to other beaches -
but not "my" beach.
"My" beach had been taken from me.
It was tainted...poisoned...
It was damaged.
My annual Memorial Day Art Sale is at "my" beach this weekend.
I have struggled with an internal battle as whether I should participate or not.
Fear has settled in.
Fear of facing the emotinal demons.
Fear of slipping backwards.
The fear has slipped in and poisoned my self-confidence in this sale and in other aspects of my life.
Not ok.
I made a comment to a wonderful friend -
"this is the anniversary of my life falling apart"...
If that is the case - why would I return to the scene of the crime?
And he responded back by saying -
"this is the anniversary of you reclaiming your life and becoming reacquainted with yourself."
That is true.
Glass half empty - half full.
But this is more than just having a postive outlook.
There is deep truth in that -
This does not have to be a weekend of sadness and regret.
It can - and will- be a weekend of celebration.
Beware all of you coast weekend warriors -
I am headed that direction this weekend.
I will be reclaiming my beach.
I will be taking back my sanctuary.
I will be engaging in some symbolic gestures to mark this milestone.
There may be tears.
They may even be tears of sadness - but there will be more tears of celebration and power and gratitude and humility.
It has been a wonderful year.
It has been full of firsts.
A few key things have included:
reacquainting myself with forgotten friends, strengthening long-term bonds, reintroducing music back into my life in the form of concerts, piano, singing, choir, ukulele and just good ole' listening, dance, travel, theater, spontaniety, joy, laughter, guilt-free dinners of cereal, the ability to dream without limits and most importantly....LOVE.

Love for others. Love for myself.
I have discovered what love is over the last year.
And I have discovered what love is not.
And most importantly....I have learned the difference.
So yes - I will be at the beach this weekend.
My beach.
And if I am lucky enough to be at the beach - I am lucky enough!
And maybe if I am really lucky...I will sell some art.

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