Monday, January 7, 2013
It's Never Too Late . . .
By January 1st of 2013, I officially started my new life.
The divorce was completed in October.
My old house is weeks away from becoming someone elses responsiblity.
I have officially moved into my new home -
a place that is mine.
A place that does not have eggshells on the ground, ghosts in the corners and the closets or landmines that need to be avoided.
2012 was a rollercoaster of a ride.
A few of the highlights included:
The marriage of my oldest daughter.
The realization that things were not as great as they seemed.
The introduction of the word divorce into my daily vocabulary.
Pieces of a large jigsaw puzzle (translation: my failed marriage) falling into place and offering me clarity and understanding.
The realization of what an incredible support system of friends I have.
Feelings of being blessed - really blessed.
Information that made my belief in trust and loyalty be shattered a bit.
The rebuilding of my belief in trust and loyalty.
The realization that there were issues from my past that finally needed to be addressed.
Reconnections with old friends who were once near and dear to me, then became lost, but have come back and enriched my life in ways that I cannot even begin to describe.
The realization of dreams - dreams that i never thought possible.
Laughter. More laughter than I ever expected.
Survival . . . then thriving.
Belief in myself.
Learning that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.
I am not too sad about having said goodbye to it at midnight on January 1st. Although there were some of the most miraculous things that occured in 2012, I am ready to move forward.
I started the New Year by joining a group of like-minded adults at a party.
This act, in and of itself, was a testament to this new journey that I am on.
You need to understand - I don't "do" parties unless it is unavoidable.
I find the act of "mingling" and introducing myself to new people to be incredibly intimidating and frightening.
Many people who learn this about me are shocked.
They always tell me "you are so outgoing and confident, how can that be?"
I am outgoing and confident when I am working and can hide behind the working persons mask.
But put me in a room with people I don't know and tell me to "mingle" and I freeze.
I find that i can't think of anything intelligent to say.
It's not a pretty site.
And send me to a party without the buffer of someone to walk in with . . .
well - you can forget it!
New Years Eve I was invited to a party . . .by myself.
Right until 10 minutes before I walked out the door, I was coming up with reasons to skip out.
But I didn't.
I went. Alone. I mingled. I met people. I had a wonderful time!
At midnight we toasted the new year, lit sparklers and made wishes.
This seems like such a simple act -
but it was very symbolic for me. And it has set the tone for this new life.
I have spent a lot of time over the last six months meditating, analyzing and formulating what I want my new life to look like.
I have come up with many, many things that this new life will include . . .
too many things to list.
These are not resolutions.
I don't like resolutions - I think they set me up for failure.
These are elements; however, of my past life that I had sacrificed for marriage.
I am now going to make space for them to come back in.
Some of the more important elements are -
Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.
A little bit of selfishness.
Fulfillment of Dreams.
Music. Music. Music.
As much JOY as I can manage.
I am going to take my own advice and become of deliberate creator of my life.
Happy 2013 to each and every one of us. May this be the year that we come together and see the fulfillment of our dreams. . .