Crossing the Wide Ocean

 

If you know me at all,

it is no secret that I love the ocean.

I love going to the beach.

I love the sand.

I love to look for treasures that have been washed on shore.

I love the sound of the waves and the sea birds.

I love to watch my dog as he explores the new scents and dodges the water.

I love everything about the beach.

 

Except for one thing...

Exactly one year ago I was at "my" beach.

And the beginning of the end happened.

Without belaboring the details,

the bottom line is -

it became evident that my marriage was over.

The official words were spoken a week later by my ex husband.

 

But while I was at the beach, exactly one year ago -

the realization hit.

I have not returned to this section of coastline since.

I have not spent the night.

I have not reveled in the sound and smells of the ocean.

My sanctuary had been robbed from me.

 

I have been to other beaches -

but not "my" beach.

"My" beach had been taken from me.

It was tainted...poisoned...

It was damaged.

 

My annual Memorial Day Art Sale is at "my" beach this weekend.

I have struggled with an internal battle as whether I should participate or not.

Fear has settled in.

Fear of facing the emotinal demons.

Fear of slipping backwards.

The fear has slipped in and poisoned my self-confidence in this sale and in other aspects of my life.
Not ok.
 

I made a comment to a wonderful friend -

"this is the anniversary of my life falling apart"...

If that is the case - why would I return to the scene of the crime?

 

And he responded back by saying -

"this is the anniversary of you reclaiming your life and becoming reacquainted with yourself."

 

Oh.

Wow.

Yeah.

That is true.

Glass half empty - half full.

 

But this is more than just having a postive outlook.

There is deep truth in that -

This does not have to be a weekend of sadness and regret.

It can - and will- be a weekend of celebration.

Beware all of you coast weekend warriors -

I am headed that direction this weekend.

I will be reclaiming my beach.

I will be taking back my sanctuary.

I will be engaging in some symbolic gestures to mark this milestone.

There may be tears.

They may even be tears of sadness - but there will be more tears of celebration and power and gratitude and humility.

 

It has been a wonderful year.

It has been full of firsts.

A few key things have included:

reacquainting myself with forgotten friends, strengthening long-term bonds, reintroducing music back into my life in the form of concerts, piano, singing, choir, ukulele and just good ole' listening, dance, travel, theater, spontaniety, joy, laughter, guilt-free dinners of cereal, the ability to dream without limits and most importantly....LOVE.

Love for others. Love for myself.

I have discovered what love is over the last year.

And I have discovered what love is not.

And most importantly....I have learned the difference.

 

So yes - I will be at the beach this weekend.

My beach.

And if I am lucky enough to be at the beach - I am lucky enough!

And maybe if I am really lucky...I will sell some art.
 



CH-CH-CH-CHANGES...

 

 

LaurieLinnDesigns.blogspot.com

 

It is time.

Remember that line from "The Lion King"?

Simba has left Pride Rock and gone into the jungle.

He is living with Pumba and Timon in their little oasis.

Life is happy and blissful and then...

Nala returns.

And he begins to feel restless.

He knows that change needs to happen.

He needs to return to his home.

But before he makes the decision,

he encounters Rafiki who reminds him of his true purpose.

He hits him on the head with the stick and "knocks" some sense in to him.

And when Simba finally recognizes what he needs to do,

Rafiki calmly, but emphatically states:

"It is time".

 

Well it is time for me...

almost a year ago - my life as I knew it changed.

I didn't run away like Simba, but I knew that it would never be the same again.

Even though I did everything I could to keep it the same for as long as possible.

But life has changed...

and with that - so has my name.

I have gone back to the name I came into this world with...

Laurie Linn

The day that I made that a reality, a friend of mine wished me a "happy birthday" -

and that is exactly what it felt like.

A re-birth.

At first I was going to leave my business name as Laurie Miller Designs.

I have worked hard to establish myself under that name -

but I am no longer Laurie Miller

and I do not want my business name to reflect that name.

I am now

Laurie Linn Designs.

 

So I hope that you will join me as we move to a new blog. 

This blog will remain and you can still come back and visit old posts...

but all new posts will be at the new location of

LaurieLinnDesigns.blogspot.com 

 

Thank you for your support through this last year -

and the years before.

I wouldn't be here without you...

 

LaurieLinnDesigns.blogspot.com

formerly Laurie Miller Designs

It is time.

Remember that line from "The Lion King"?

Simba has left Pride Rock and gone into the jungle.

He is living with Pumba and Timon in their little oasis.

Life is happy and blissful and then...

Nala returns.

And he begins to feel restless.

He knows that change needs to happen.

He needs to return to his home.

But before he makes the decision,

he encounters Rafiki who reminds him of his true purpose.

He hits him on the head with the stick and "knocks" some sense in to him.

And when Simba finally recognizes what he needs to do,

Rafiki calmly, but emphatically states:

"It is time".

Well it is time for me...

almost a year ago - my life as I knew it changed.

I didn't run away like Simba, but I knew that it would never be the same again.

Even though I did everything I could to keep it the same for as long as possible.

But life has changed...

and with that - so has my name.

I have gone back to the name I came into this world with...

Laurie Linn

The day that I made that a reality, a friend of mine wished me a "happy birthday" -

and that is exactly what it felt like.

A re-birth.

At first I was going to leave my business name as Laurie Miller Designs.

I have worked hard to establish myself under that name -

but I am no longer Laurie Miller

and I do not want my business name to reflect that name.

I am now

Laurie Linn Designs.

So I hope that you will join me as we move to a new blog.

This blog will remain and you can still come back and visit old posts...

but all new posts will be at the new location of

LaurieLinnDesigns.blogspot.com

Thank you for your support through this last year -

and the years before.

I wouldn't be here without you...

Upcycled Trunk

 

After my last post, which was a bit of a rant -

I figured I would get back to "art". :)

 

This is a piece which I recently completed.

A wonderful commission piece for a co-worker.

It is a box - a mini foot locker.

It measures about 18" square on all sides.

 

This client called me one day and said she had this box...

"it's kind of ugly", she said.

"I really don't want it in my house...but my grandfather gave it to me and I can't bear to part with it."

 

I agreed to see what I could do with it.

When she brought it to me, I was a little doubtful.

It is made of chipboard.

The outside of it had been covered with a heavy paper that was decorated with really lovely blue geese.

Can you say "1980s?" LOL

Not pretty.

Once finished it would be residing in her library room.

 

A good priming coat of black, some bright colors and design and...

it has been given a new lease on life.

A sun and moon and the admonishment to enjoy all that a good book has to offer.

 

And some day - if those lovely geese come back in style -

she can remove the paint and let them come back out to play...

or not.

 



Happily Ever After...

Recently, my son proposed to his future wife.
My niece also recently announced that she is engaged.

It seems that love is in the air!

These life changing, momentous events are occuring as I am sweeping up remaining debris from my failed marriage.

And it got me thinking...

What did I learn from my marriage and what advice would I give one of these people,
who I love dearly, as
 they prepare to step into a lifelong committment of marriage?

 

1. Love is wonderful - and you need to marry someone that you love with all your heart mind and soul. But more importantly...you need to really LIKE the person. They should be a friend.

2. Marriage is a verb. It is NOT ceremony. In the words of Steve Martin in "Father of the Bride"..."That's a wedding". And wedding's only last for a few hours. Then real life begins. And to be successful, you have to stay actively engaged and work at it.

3. Marriage is messy - you are going to see this person at their best. But more often, you are going to see this person at their worst...when they are overwhelmed, cranky, short-tempered, tired, sick, with morning breath and morning hair,  ... Take the time to let your partner see you at your "best" as often as possible. They deserve it.

4. There are no guarantees. For years, I heard all sorts of "formulas" that were supposed to guarantee a successful marriage. I have learned that there are many marriages that I thought were "perfect", only to find out that they were not. They were far from perfect - in fact, they were downright disfunctional. Bottom line...you have to remember to keep the marriage and your partner high on your priority list. Pay attention to them and forget the formulas.

5. Do not divorce your friends. Too many people I know decided that once they were married, they were no longer allowed to work on their friendships. I think that is a big mistake. We still need our friends.

6. Do not give up on your dreams. Life is going to get crazy. You may or may not have children and once you do, they will become your priority. That is how it should be. But we all have the ability to keep pursuing our dreams. Even if it is only for 5 minutes a day.
7. Keep growing and trying new things together - My oldest brother and his wife just started taking guitar lessons together. A friend of mine and her husband started contra-dancing. Find those common things that bring you together. Keep the sense of wonder and adventure alive. (Refer to #2)
8. DATE - Yes you are married. But you still need to go on dates. Make it a priority to reacquaint yourself with the person you fell in love with...get dressed up for each other; treat it like something special.
9. The old standby rule is still true - do not go to bed mad.
10. Play - Be silly and have fun.
11. Talk about everything - even the hard stuff. Share your feelings when they are small and manageable.
12. Say "I love you" everyday.
13. Say "I love you" - and mean it.
14. Laugh together.
15. Cry together.
16. Share secrets.
17. Call each other through the day...just because.
18. Take the television and the laptop out of the bedroom. And the smart phone.
19. Remember the "first 4 minutes of contact rule" - The first 4 minutes of contact in the morning or when you come home sets the tone for the rest of the day/evening. Make sure it is good.
20. Remove certain words from your vocabulary ... like divorce and hate.


I am happy for my son, my future daughter in law, my niece and her future husband. Regardless of where I am - I am still a believer in the dream of "happily ever after".
And I wish for both of these couples their own fairy tale.

 



Weeds

 

 

I have had a house with a yard.

And in that yard was the green grass.

And in that green grass were the dandelions.

Those noxious weeds that seemed to take over the lawn.

I would dig them out and apply weed killer to them.

I used home remedies and store bought chemicals.

I cringed when I saw them emerging.

I made sure to mow my lawn frequently so they never had a chance to sprout their "flower".

And if someone happened to get a hold of those little puffy seed heads blow them about...

well, I can't even describe the anxiety I felt over that.

 

Then one day, when my children were quite small -

my daughter brought me a bouquet of bright yellow dandelions.

I smiled and thanked her and held on to them while I tried to decide how to secretly dispose of them.

She got a very concerned look on her face and told me to put them in water so they wouldn't die.

(Heavy sigh from me) and then with a smile I said OK.

I got out a drinking glass..

"No", she said..."Use a pretty vase".

I had some antique cut glass bud vases and I pulled one of them out of the cupboard.

I filled it with water, immersed the dandelions and set it on the window sill.

"No", she said...."Put them on the table".

On the table?

What would people think if I had weeds on my table???

I put them on my table.

 

Later, I was sitting at the table all alone.

The kids were probably napping or something because it was one of those rare quiet moments.

I looked at the dandelions.

I mean - I REALLY looked at the dandelions.

And I was caught off guard.

I had seen these little yellow weeds many times before,

but I had never really studied them.

And they were beautiful.

Really and truly beautiful...

Hundreds of perfectly formed petals layered one upon the other.

Straight edges and slightly fringed ends.

Even the leaves were special -

so much more interesting than many other leaves on flowers.

And then there are those magical seed heads.

Puffy clouds of white.

So fragile, yet so strong...

 

I thought about other flowers that are valued -

roses, carnations, daisies ...

Those are all beautiful, but the intricies of the dandelion was so special and unusual - and in many ways surpassed the rose.

Yet - it took me all of my life (up to that point) to see the beauty in them.

 

Hmmmm....

Life lesson here.

How many other things was I taking for granted?

How many other works of intricate beauty was I missing because I had been told it wasn't beautiful or special?

 

Now I am not an expert in this area.

I do not in any way claim to be perfect in appreciating the small details in my day.

In fact, many days - the details irritate the crap out of me. (Just being honest here...)

But I am trying ...

 

I try to remind myself to slow down and appreciate the wonders that are all around me.

I try to see things through the eyes of a young child.

Have you ever gone on a walk with a 3-year old?

Then you know what I mean -

 

I want to appreciate the beauty of the sunrise and sunset -

 even if I just saw one yesterday.

I never want to get tired of the amazement I feel when I watch a hummingbird.

I want to stop and examine the intricacies of a spider web with morning dew still clinging to it.

And I want to appreciate the beauty of the dandelion...

 

I want to be a participant in the magic of the world around me.

 

And just as a sidenote -

If my 3-year old grandson brings me a bouquet of dandelions,

they will be placed in the prettiest vase I can find and

proudly displayed on my table.

 

 

 

 



A Work In Progress...

 

A work in progress...

It's a term that is used in art a lot.

For a piece like the one above I start with a blank surface.

Stark white watercolor paper.

I take a pencil and lightly draw on a design.

Not all of the details - but a general outline.

Then I begin laying in the black lines - not all of them, but some.

Then comes color (my favorite part).

I layer it in.

I move all over the paper - because if you understand how watercolors work, you know they are very unpredictable.

You have to wait until each section dries before putting another color next to it or they will blend.

All on their own.

Whether you want them to or not.

Then once everything is colored and very dry...

I go back with the black and finish out the details and the words.

Often, I don't have a plan when I start.

And throughout the early stages 

the "work in progress" looks very plain and not very special.

But it builds and grows.

 

I have always believed that as people,

we are in constant motion.

I have taught my children that.

We are either moving forward and growing,

or we are slipping backwards.

But we are never stagnant and still.

We are not the same person today that we were yesterday.

We are "works in progress".

But too often we think that some magical event occurs as an adult that causes us to say...

"I'm done. I have arrived where I want to be..."

 

As an adult who is ... well, old enough to have experienced many things -

I often wonder where I will be in another year.

Do I still have the ability to grow and learn new things?

Am I moving forward or am I slipping?

Am I "done?"

 

So I have spent some time thinking about this and I came up with this list:

 

Ten things I have done in the last year that I was not doing before that...

 

1. I have returned to swimming on a regular basis.

2. I have started a belly dancing class (which I have always wanted to do and LOVE by the way).

3. I signed up for a choir class at the College where I work and have been singing with a group of 30 other students every Monday, Wednesday and Friday on my lunch hour. I am old enough to be most of the other student's mother, but I am loving having a chance to sing with a group.

4. I am learning to sing in 4 different languages  - which I have never done before. This is definitely challenging my "adult" brain.

5. I have purchased a ukulele and have learned several chords and a few songs.

6. I have become acquatined with new friends ...some in other countries.

7. I have learned to cook vegetarian meals to support my daughter.

8. I have attended several musical performances and have tickets for several concerts over the next few months.

9. I have returned to a habit of stretching and yoga.

10. I have begun to find my balance and each day am finding peace with being "alone".

 

So I guess you could say that

I am a work in progress.

I am adding multiple layers to my life.

I am becoming reacquainted with things that I had stopped doing (like playing the piano and singing in a choir)...

and I am trying out new things and meeting new people.

 

My hope and desire is that I will never be a completed work of art.

I don't want to ever be in the position where I just stay in one place and decorate the room.

I want to be an ongoing work in progress for the rest of my days...